So Far Gone
by AgentRez
Summary: Post-season 5 Scandal fanfiction. Olivia has lost her way since leaving Fitz and giving up on the dream of Vermont. Can she find her way back, or is she in too deep to ever go back to wearing the white hat? Olitz endgame but not a magical reunion, as I want to stay true to the show and deal with everything that has torn them apart. Canon through 5x21.
1. Chapter 1

This is my first time writing Scandal fanfiction. I got into the show recently and I wrote this to try to reconcile the events of Season 5, which I hated for so many reasons. I hate the way they ended Fitz and Liv's relationship so suddenly after so much build-up and I hate the way Olivia has changed. So I wrote this in hopes that this is the direction Season 6 will take. I may or may not write more, depending on how the season premiere goes. Feedback is very much appreciated.

This takes place about a month before the election. Olivia has realized what her father and Jake are up to but doesn't want to admit she has been played yet again. In my version of the story, Jake's plea to her to save him was just him and her father manipulating her into putting him on Mellie's ticket.

* * *

"You wanted to see me?" Olivia asks as she enters the Oval Office.

"Sit," Fitz instructs. She reluctantly does as she is told. He comes over and sits across from her. Then he surprises her when he takes the little mini tape recorder David gave him out of his pocket.

"You want to explain this?" he asks.

On the tape:  
 _OLIVIA: Hypothetically, if someone wanted to program the voting machines to change some of the votes, what would it take?_

 _HUCK: Hypothetically?_

 _OLIVIA: Yes, hypothetically._

 _QUINN: Shouldn't you know the answer to that already?_

 _OLIVIA: I never got involved with the details. And you know what, I don't need to know them now. What I am asking is, could you do it?_

 _HUCK: Why would you want to go through that again? I saw the way it ate at you the last time._

 _OLIVIA: Don't worry about me. What I am asking is, can you do it?_

 _HUCK: If I could get access to the machines, yeah. All we have to do is program a trojan on a card and switch them out when nobody's looking. But why..._

 _OLIVIA: Don't ask why. Just write the program. I'll let you know if I decide we need it._

"How did you get this?" Olivia asks angrily.

"David Rosen gave it to me. I don't know how he got it and I don't want to know. I want to know what the hell you were thinking?"

"I was thinking that I'm tired of losing. I'm tired of being held back because I keep clinging to some fantasy that it's possible to play by the rules and still come out on top. My father was right all along...power is the only thing anyone fights for, the only thing worth fighting for."

"Damn it, Liv, this isn't you!"

"Yes, it is! And if you would stop living in a fantasy world you would see that this is who I am. This has always been who I really am. I just convinced myself that I was better than everyone else, that I was somehow more justified or working for a higher purpose because that's what I wanted to believe. You said it yourself: I was worse than Mellie. At least she was honest about who she was and what she wanted."

"Oh, come on! We both said some things that night we didn't mean."

"Whether you meant it or not, you were right."

"Listen to me. As far as I can tell, you haven't done anything irreversible yet. So give me your word that you're not going to put this plan in motion, and this recording goes away."

"Why? So then you can hold that over me too? Did it ever occur to you that maybe I don't want you to clean up my mess? For the zillionth time, I do not need rescuing."

"You know, when I first heard this, I told David that he should do what he needed to do and I wouldn't interfere. I was going to let you fall on your sword this time. But David asked me to talk to you first and spare him from having to prosecute you, because he knows you're better than this, just like I do."

"You're deluding yourself," Olivia snarls. "You still think that if you say the right words, I'll just go back to being the person I used to be. I haven't been that person in a long time and I don't even know if I ever was."

"I don't think you ever stopped being that person. If all you wanted was power you never would have left! You knew there was nothing you could do that I wouldn't forgive you for and you could have used that but you didn't. Because that's not who you are, and you know it."

"Why do you even care?" she asks resignedly.

"What?"

"I said, why do you even care? Why do you care who I am or was or want to be...why do you care anymore? For g-d's sake, why don't you hate me?"

"Oh, come on. Do you really think I could ever hate you?"

"I betrayed you, I belittled you, I outed us and put you in jeopardy of impeachment only to run away as soon as things got tough. If you had even an ounce of self-respect, you would hate me for what I did to you and what I've become instead of clinging to some fantasy about the person you fell in love with years ago. I have news for you, Fitz. That person's gone. She died the moment I let my father out of prison and she's not coming back."

"THAT's what this is about? You're punishing yourself."

"I'm not punishing myself. Just accepting reality. I made a choice that day, Fitz. I crossed a line I knew I couldn't come back from. I threw away my white hat and I knew the second it was done I could never get it back. And you knew it too...I could see it in your eyes when you came to see me after I was arrested...you were begging me to tell you it wasn't true because you wanted to believe I was better than that but deep down you knew the truth...you knew, but you didn't want to accept it. You still don't want to accept the truth."

"You're right, I didn't want it to be true. I had suspected it for a while but I kept telling myself it was crazy...but as hurt as I was I understood why you did it. I put you in an impossible situation...I pushed you to go public with our relationship and get married when you weren't ready and I can't blame you for looking for a way out. It doesn't make you a bad person and it doesn't mean you can't get your white hat back."

"Damn it, Fitz, stop it! Stop putting me on a pedestal and making excuses for me. Stop trying to forgive me!"

"I'm not trying to forgive you. I did forgive you, a long time ago."

"No, you didn't. I know you tried to forgive me...I know you wanted to. But you stopped trusting me. I could see in your eyes that you realized I was no different from Mellie, and being First Lady was a constant reminder of that. And it made me appreciate what Mellie had to go through. She stood by you and propped you up for years and she didn't run away when things got hard like I did. And you repaid her by cheating on her and abandoning her. She didn't even know who my father or what would happen was when she let him blackmail her and you threw her out for it. I knew exactly who he was and what he was capable of and I'm supposed to believe that you could just forgive me for it, just like that?"

"You're right, I wasn't fair to Mellie. I wasn't fair to you either, and I can see that now. But it's not the same thing. Mellie stayed with me for years in a dead marriage to further her own political ambitions."

"Mellie stayed with you because she was afraid to leave!" Olivia snaps. "She stayed because she hoped you would eventually come to appreciate her and everything she gave up for you."

"That's why you're doing this, isn't it? You're not desperate to win because you want power. You're desperate to win because you feel guilty. You feel like you owe Mellie this, don't you?"

"You have no idea what you're talking about," Olivia snaps. Fitz can tell he has hit a nerve.

"Fine, keep telling yourself that. Keep telling yourself you're a monster. Believe me, I wish you were - it would have been a lot easier to let go if I thought you were a monster. But you're not. You are NOT your father."

"Yes, I am! I tried to beat him while staying true to myself, to what I believe. But he just kept winning over and over. So I realized the only way to break free was to join him, to take control and get myself some real power so nobody could have power over me. Not him, not Jake, not you, not anyone. Not anymore!"

"Okay, fine, you've become your father. So now what? Maybe you're willing to cheat, to steal another election to get what you want, but what if someone gets in your way? Are you prepared to have that person killed? Every time? Frame innocent people to cover it up? Are you willing to kidnap someone's children to keep them in line if that's what it takes? Are you prepared to kill the children if your target doesn't cooperate? Are you really prepared to do WHATEVER IT TAKES to keep your power?"

Olivia doesn't answer. "I didn't think so," Fitz says gently. "Because you are not a monster, no matter how much you might want to be. And you are not so far gone that you can't come back. You need to take the advice you gave me years ago when you found out about Verna Thorton. Let the past go. Hit the reset button."

"I can't! It's not that simple. I was naive back then to believe it was."

"It is that simple. I didn't think it was. I didn't think I'd ever forgive myself for what I did, but you saved me when you told me to forgive myself. So now I'm telling you to forgive yourself, for all of it. Let it go. You can do that. I know you can."

Olivia shakes her head, tears streaming down her face. "I've gone too far too many times," she says. "I don't know how to go back."

Fitz wraps his arm around her. To his surprise she doesn't resist.

"Start by getting Mellie elected. Clean. Start by convincing her to admit the affair with Andrew, so your father and Jake won't have any leverage over her."

"Fitz, she will NEVER agree to that. And she shouldn't have to."

"You're right, she shouldn't, but I think when people know the full story about how I treated her they won't have much trouble forgiving her. And I will make sure they know the truth."

"You would do that?"

"It's the least I can do. For both of you. But you better do it right, okay? Throw me under the bus and don't hold back."

"Oh, I won't. You know that."

"Yes, I do. After Mellie wins I imagine she'll want you as her chief of staff...she'd be stupid if she didn't. But hopefully she'll let me borrow you during the lame duck after the election."

"Why?"

"Because last year we passed a crappy spending bill that would have been a lot better if I had let you sit at the Big Dogs table when we were negotiating it. This is my last chance and I want to get it right this time. Will you help me with that?"

Olivia thinks for a minute, then smiles through her tears. "Okay," she agrees.

"Okay?" Fitz asks happily.

"No small talk, no cookie recipes," she insists.

"I promise. As long as you promise to push me to do the best I can for the American people and not settle for less because it's politically expedient."

"I promise."

She smiles and then gets up to walk out. As she approaches the door, she turns around.

"Fitz?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry. For everything."

"Yeah. Me too," he says sadly.


	2. Chapter 2

_This is a really short chapter and one that you may hate me for (or at least be confused by). I promise, all will become clear eventually. I am an Olitz shipper and my ultimate goal is to find a way to put them back together while staying true to everything that has happened on the show. Everything through 5x21 may be considered canon in this story. I may incorporate some of the plot from Season 6, but to paraphrase Fitz's line in 6x01, nothing after 5x21 happens unless I say it happens. Reviews greatly appreciated._

* * *

As she exits the White House, Olivia looks to make sure nobody is around, then pulls out her phone and calls Jake."

"It's handled. I took care of it."

"How?"

"Does it matter?"

"Yes, it matters."

Olivia sighs, then does another glance around. "I came clean," she says quietly. "I let him think he got through to me. I promised him I wouldn't go ahead with the plan."

"You sure he bought it?" Jake asks skeptically.

"Yes, I'm sure. We're clear."

* * *

 **TWO WEEKS LATER:**

Olivia is going over some new polls with Mellie."The good news is, you've gone up on likeability and trustworthiness in the past week. The bad news is, you're still in the negative on both counts. I really think you should consider..."

"Replacing you as my campaign manager so I don't keep reminding people that I'm a cold-hearted bitch who didn't care that you were screwing my husband? I told you this morning that wasn't happening."

"Then maybe you need to sit down with a friendly journalist..."

Olivia's phone rings before she can finish her sentence. She reaches in to retrieve it when the plane is rocked by turbulence, spilling the contents of her purse onto the table. She winces when she sees the ring Fitz gave her fall out of its box and onto the table.

She scrambles to pick it up and hopes Mellie is too distracted by the turbulence to notice, but she quickly realizes that isn't the case.

"I didn't know you still carried it," Mellie says coolly.

"Mellie, I..."

"It's okay, Olivia. You don't have to explain. How are we doing on 'prepared to be commander in chief'?"

* * *

 **45 MINUTES LATER**

Olivia steps off of Mellie's campaign plane and discretely steps away as the press swarm Mellie and the rest of the team.

"Liv?" asks Huck on the other end.

"Are we ready to go?"

"Yeah, I think so. I just need to hack in and make sure they haven't put any new patches on the voting machines that would interfere. Are you sure you want to do this?"

Olivia sighs, exasperated that he keeps asking. "Do it!" she orders.


End file.
